Would that I could fly...

It's May tomorrow, and I want to make baskets of goodies to place on doorsteps, then ding-dong-ditch in the most whimsical of manners. It's been rainy off and on today, and I wish the sun would gain the energy and strength to just shine. I can't blame it, though. I'm feeling a bit lackadaisical myself. I was almost entirely broke until I got $500 as part of my acting award for time spent here at Millikin. It was a real honor and a much needed prize. I am happy and grateful I didn't spend it all before I got to Colorado to start making money again. Speaking of Colorado, I just remembered how completely ecstatic I am to get there and start playing. I can only imagine that complete and utter fun will ensue. What could be better than a summer in the Rockies? I am planning to knock many things off of my "things to do before I die" list this summer: horseback riding, mountain climbing, white water rafting, all those outdoorsy things that are so not my style and I never thought I would seriously ever do. I'm going to do them. Hardcore. Plus, you know, that whole acting, singing thing I've been earning a degree in for four years. Tuesday is the last day of classes...ever. Well, unless the whole grad school thing starts to look more appealing. It sure doesn't right now. 

I was about to get really sad, but, as I've said before and I'll continue to reiterate, I'm inviting positive energy into my house. Forgive the existentialism. Not that there's anyone there reading to forgive it, these posts are for me, but I shall indulge myself. This once.

Shut up and let me go

I'm a little obsessed with this song. It puts a happy little kick in my step and adds just the right blend of angst and joy to my end-of-college mentality. 

For some reason, I've been checking cheap tickets to anywhere on a daily basis. I've given my craigslist apartment hunt a rest considering I'm not moving to Chicago until January, so places available then aren't showing up yet. I don't know why I'm trying to plan a trip I won't be able to afford and really have no reason to take. I think it comes from the knowledge of permanence in my future. I'm trying to throw in as much spontaneity as possible before I know I'll have to stay put for a while, at least long enough to "establish a presence" in my adopted home. 

We were in Chicago for Kayla's bachelorette party this past weekend. It was the first time I'd been there since the two weeks at Second City in July when I decided I wanted to live there. It was beautiful, sunny (though a bit chilly), and friendly. Honestly, a group of 11 drunk girls + 1 drunk Chase all sporting penis straws, naughty t-shirts and one huge glow-in-the-dark fallice could have spelled disaster and either our arrest or booting from the city permanently. Not the case, however. We were met with nothing but cheers and knowing smiles. Oh, and LOTS of free shots. Further confirmation that it really is the best city in the world. 

Romeo and Juliet opens tomorrow, and I think the high of an opening is starting to hit me. Finally. I realized that I don't want to put any negative energy into the atmosphere, as I've said before, and regardless of anything, this play is one of my all-time favorites. Last night, as I quoted pretty much the entirety of the balcony scene backstage along with Kersten and Dion, I remembered when I learned all of those lines: reading out of my Mom's English text book to a metal pole "Romeo" in my basement around the age of 10. God, I'm such a geek. Bottom line, the story kind of rocks, and I think Lady Capulet is pretty fierce. Plus, it's my last show at this school, which is so bittersweet I can't even talk about it. 

Happy thoughts and hopeful dreams for this Tuesday.

Oh, PS--watched Milk again the other day... it's so flipping brilliant. 

Midwestern Pride

The Supreme Court in Iowa today unanimously upheld the constitutional rights of every man and woman regardless of sex, race, creed, etc. Bravo, Iowa. Let's hope 46 more states follow in your footsteps. 

Huge victory for equality.

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090403/NEWS/90403010

i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth

day of life and love and wings:and of the gay 

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing 

breathing any-lifted from the no

of all nothing-human merely being doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and 

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-e.e. cummings

Cummings is my favorite because when I don't have the words to say what I feel, he always does. Of course, they're much more beautiful than any I could have written myself. 

It's a beautiful day today. Just slightly nippy, like that last breath of winter blowing us gently, and ever-so-bitingly into April. The sky is that indescribable blue that invites a strained neck from the constant desire to look up, up, up. No clouds, no typical Decatur soy stench, no threat of rain...just spring. The blossoms are starting to open, and the only thing I long for is a temperature just ten degrees warmer so I could put the top down on my convertible and cruise to the lake by way of Starbucks for an iced latte...and maybe a splurge on a toffee-almond-chocolate-bar-of-calorie-packed-delicious. mmmmm....

I've decided that I will waste no time on stress for the rest of the year. Things will get done because they just will. I will work to the very best of my ability and not strive for more. Things may not be perfect, they may not go off without glitches, but they will be finished and enjoyable. I want to rid myself of negative thought, so if that means excusing myself from certain conversations or situations, so be it. I will not leave in six weeks with a bitter taste in my mouth. I will hold in my heart nothing but fondness, tinges of heaviness for loss, and excitement for the future. 

People are inherently good. I will always remember this. 

I thank You God(de) for most this amazing day...